You freak out. What does this mean? Is he for real? What the hell has he been doing while, I haven't been calling, texting, or emailing him? Is this saving yourself not your marriage information now useless.
NO, its not. The early steps of moving on and saving yourself are invaluable to you. Its the process of bouncing back after a devastating loss and focusing on your wants and needs not another persons. Many times in these relationships, we end up sacrificing our dreams and lives for our husbands/boyfriends.
Back to the original premise -
He is back
He wants you
He is sorry
He promises not to ever leave you again
Should you believe him or should you kick him to the curb?
Three Tips to Determine Authenticity
1. Prove it - This man must prove his love for you in whatever act you deem necessary. Whatever it is, that's up to you. You have all the power right now, so you may as well take advantage of it. The test is to see how sincere he is about coming back. If he balks, slam the door in his face, because he is not really interested in proving anything.
2. Renounce it - He has to get rid of the friends, hangouts and situations that allowed him or influenced him to leave. That means no more hanging out with bad people in bad places. He must show you that he has learned the error of his ways WITHOUT (this is key) you having to tell him those errors. If you have to tell him what to renounce it doesn't count. The lack of access and contact with you must make him see that whatever or whoever he left you for, does not compare to being without you.
3. Suggest Distance - Just because he is at your door, does not mean you have to let him in. This man just left you and came back. You are in no way obligated to take his story and his dirty laundry back. By suggesting distance, you allow yourself to process things without his presence and you can gauge his behavior and his desire to be with you again. Take it as an extreme red flag if he can't handle some distance, particularly since he just left your for X amount of days.
Don't get me wrong, I support reconciliations and intact marriages. Recognize that not all people need to be together. DYRWYHB is an alternative to openly pursuing and taking a partner back who has left you.
If he passes the test proceed with caution. Many relationships and marriages can survive a break up if both parties are willing. People make mistakes and second chances are not a bad choice.
If he doesn't pass the the test and your not sure what to do, re read my ebook - Do You Really Want Him Back?
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